I can smell in the air that the truth is evading me. it runs before me, dangling like the tiny tendril of a red balloon. I seek to find the innocence from before. it is there, but there is this return to the ether. this return to what is now. So, I cannot go back to how I feel, but I must trudge forward to where I am. Presence. Fighting every day, not for what was once, but for all that can be and is.